Thursday 11 October 2018

The cruise cut loose

Loading, unloading and reloading - in a nutshell, this has been my life since the last two years. Mostly jarred although I did my best to play the game. How much tranquiled was I on the track? Honestly, not much. Often bootless. I was gradually made aware of the flurry about to come down with full force. Surprisingly, I was unprepared for the turn my life had laid out.

While moving in and out, I collected my furs and furniture, casks and crockery, books and baggage, gems and gadgets. What I left behind are the boutiques and the bakery, the lounge and the luncheonette, the banks and the bookshops, the groceries and the galleries. Nevertheless, the personal trusting and the thistle got a pruning. Memories from these movements are like seeds, when randomly dropped, sprouts in our own sunshine to sunflowers. I could not discount the darkness though.

The silence in the anguish flashed back like dusk before darkness. We carry our pains, heavy as a heartbreak, sustaining the emotional intelligence while leaving indelible impressions behind. These have been so true to my life. Even to this day, I acknowledge transporting the agony within though some medication has muted it to an extent. But the memoirs come with the permit from the mind. Never to be erased. 

My connections with most humans have been cold. Some happened to be by chance, casual, not complete. Conversations, from myself, blew like a mist through the mountainous landscapes. Crickets, as in relations and acquaintances, make a lot of noise. We can hear them but cannot see them. When we pass by them they become quiet. Then there are shields people put on. Opaque to innocence, the lapping waves of my deep churning crashed against the steep cliffs and the times uncounted for. With time, a state of calmness, marked by ceaselessly rolling waves, shaped my final movement.

Nature is naked. It crowns us with charm. No wonder nature is healing, happy and handsome. Cruising through nature as in life, I never had the option to choose my cabin. The anticipation of not knowing what I'm going to see upon entering it, or what incredible panoramic ocean views my eyes should watch out for has always abandoned me drifting, disconnected. Nature wends with measured steps - some facile, some labyrinthine. My life's cruise is purposefully rough, testing the spiritual strength forever. Unleashing it into the mystic world of the waters, only to be soaked in an immersive experience, my self-assurance has now dissolved in a fleetingly light fuzz of sweetness, sharp and spiteful.